I think i'm on the verge of breaking down now.

I can't get into design stream for Mae. Triple sad-ness. I'll be in main stream of mechanical engineering. I don't know if i will survive in there for three years. Kinda regret that i didn't do my portfolio to send in for school of Art,Design & Media. Instead, rushing for my long dued projects and assignments. I don't think i have good portfolio to send in either and has no time and lazy to do the essay and video so to speak.

Now, I felt even worst when i get to know that one of my coursemate put ME as last choice and got in. She decided to withdraw though. I, with a low average GPA of 3.3, i won't be surprise if i couldn't get into any Uni. However, i was asked for an interview (I'm the only girl during the interview) and surprisingly got through which i didn't expect i will. I should be happy, right?

Actually come to think of it, i really don't know what i want in my life. I still want to continue doing something with engineering but yet, design as well, as engineering has a very wide job opportunities etc. I would be lying if i said i LOVE doing engineering. For the Cert? For the passion? Can i just get married to a old, filthy rich guy and be a tai tai forever? Yah, provided i get a surgery done first. Ok, kidding.

I just emailed them asking whether appealing is available for applying design stream. Should i just withdraw and try again next year? Or should i just close my eyes and take the chance i'm presented with. I think i will have much more competitive applicants (by seeing how powerful our batch 2 of PDI) choosing respective degrees which resulting lower chances of me getting in and end up can't get into any Uni in the end. Plus, school is already starting in a week or so, can i still withdraw?

I'm lost.

Very lost.

Can i just die now?